A KNOTTY LOVE LETTER

Dear Muleya Sunkutu,

I hope this letter finds you well. I have not written to you in a while and it is only because I have been so busy with school, nothing else. Also, these times we are living in have made the days seem indifferent so I did not see them go by. The nation is experiencing a wave of new COVID 19 cases even as other countries are making tremendous progress. The ice we are skating on is pretty thin. It is getting harder every day to believe that this is a hoax.

I heard you are about to start applying at different universities and are looking for advice on which ones are worth considering. With how well you did in your final year exams I know any university can accept you. I am so happy for you. I know you will make the best decision for yourself.

Of late you have been sending me a lot of pictures of yourself. You look beautiful in all of them, I must say. I cannot help but notice that in all of them you are wearing your nappy hair. This is what makes you even more beautiful.

Soon you will be going to university and that is a place where I have seen that every girl wears artificial hair more than their nappy hair. I say every girl because there are very few who this is not true of. Maybe one day you will share this with some of your friends and I want them to interrogate their premise. Those that this is not true of can disregard it while the rest can think about it.

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that you should not wear artificial hair, you can and when necessary, you should. If you want to wear it for protective purposes, or because you feel moisturizing and styling your nappy hair will take a lot of time or maybe to switch up styles sometimes then go right ahead and do it.

My fear is that before long you will lose confidence in the beauty of the nappy hair that God gave to you. Society will, though indirectly, tell you to perm your hair so that it falls down slick and straight. You will be told not to have messy hair or to have little fly-aways, but hair that is pristine. You will be told to drench your hair in products so that it looks like everything it is not. But Muleya, your hair was meant to defy gravity and it takes a strong woman to accept that.

My fear is that you will succumb to the definitions of beauty that the media and your environment displays. You will look at Beyoncé and Rihanna with their dark skin just like yours yet with hair flowing impeccably through the wind and want that for yourself too, subconsciously.

My fear is that you will lose confidence in your nappy hair. Given time, your nappy hair could become your biggest insecurity. You could begin to think your nappy hair is too kinky, maybe too boyish and even unprofessional. You could begin to find confidence in weaves of all sorts and pretend they’re your own hair only to flinch every time that someone tries to pat your head. I fear that you will find yourself failing to go on dates with your nappy hair. That you will find yourself failing to attend your graduation with it. That you will find yourself failing to attend interviews with it.

My fear is that even when all this happens, you will not notice it because it is what every other girl out there will be doing. Heck, they are doing it so much so that the moment you go out in public wearing your nappy hair the girls around you will look at you twice. But the moment you notice them notice you, I want you to straighten your back and hold your head up high because you should know that in your nappy hair you are more beautiful than they.

I want you to know that even without a 22-inch afro that can be rocked with giant puffs, twisted out into gorgeous curls or styled up into intricate cornrows that fall down your back, you are still beautiful. The day you truly accept this is the day you will send your self-esteem through the roof.

Please do not find confidence in hair that makes you look like the idols you see in the media and everyone around you also. You do not have to change the way you look in any way to be beautiful. Beauty is found in accepting the way that God made you. Beauty is found even in the limitations that you think you have. Beauty is found in looking in the mirror and knowing full well that there’s nothing about you that should be different. You best believe that you are a queen crowned in your nappy hair, and don’t let anybody tell you different. You are the most astonishing girl I have ever met.

Yours,

Chabala Sunkutu