WHERE THE LOVE LIES

When I started blogging I used to advertise my posts by sending them to almost all my friends on my contacts list. These would then go on to share them on their socials. Heck, you reading this probably received one of my adverts. But with time I realized that I will be blogging for I don’t know how long and so continuing to share my posts would make me a bother—at least that’s how I felt.

When I shared my posts with my friends I had a lot of views on the blogs and that was encouraging. I felt like I was making my mark in the world with the messages I was writing, that I was climbing mountains, using the wings that angels had given me and that if I died I would live on—maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the point. It was easy to keep writing when each time I looked at how many people were reading my posts the number was huge. Now that I don’t share the blogs with my friends the views have dropped significantly, by more than three quarters.

Initially that did not get to me but after I saw it the second time, the third time and even the fourth time, it started to get to me. Stewed by frustration and misguided expectations my blog content quality started to disintegrate.

Fortunately, the moment I thought I was losing it all my dungeon of discouragement shook and the chains fell off. As per popular advice, I started to think about why I started writing in the first place. I was told that if I could remember that, then I could get my flame back on. So I did just that and here’s what I found.

I started writing primarily because of my love for the pen—or the keyboard. I have loved writing for as long as I can remember.  Writing is the only thing, really, I think about during short bursts of thinking about what everyone else thinks about: sex and food and sleep and friends and money and fame. Somewhere inside me, whether I’m at the gym or having dinner with my friends, is always my phone, the notes app and possible blog posts floating embryonically behind my pupils. The blog came as a result of a desire to want to put my work in front of people, more so to inspire people to be less awful human beings.

The months when the quality of my blog posts went down tell a story of self-doubt, the fear, of the moments of not knowing what to write about, the anxiety, the regret, the stress, and this is not even a sob story. Every day I tried to put this to the side and always be in a state of positivity, happiness and creativity, but that is not how life works. But because of the love I have for writing I stayed heads down focused. And herein lies what I want you to take away from this post. Read carefully now because I know what I am writing about.

Go where your love lies. If you’ve ever wanted to start doing something or to go somewhere but never get to because of one fear or another, just go. The fires of life could be burning around my desk but as long as I am typing, I will stay put in my chair. I draw fulfilment from this. Writing makes me come alive. And that is what you are missing from that thing you keep pushing to a later date. Life is already hard as is, chase what you love, trust me, it brings the happiness. I know people that are in a perpetual cycle of starting new things, being surprised and angered by initial hurdles, losing interest and hope, before aborting, feeling depressed for a while, and then moving on to something different. But if you do what you honestly love, even when these days come, the love keeps you going.  

The love will also get you to chase what you are afraid to and when you do enrichment will follow. This love will allow you to be stretched in mind and to overcome struggles, to reap rewards with a raw energy that this world needs. The love will allow you to face the occasional nerves, the risk-taking, and your comfort zone. It will allow you to see them as regular and consistent necessitates for anyone who wants to make an impact. It is the sense of aliveness that comes with all this that makes it all worth it.

I am still trying to figure out what I will write about next and how it will be worth the read. I have accepted this state and I am now learning to live with it. I hope that I do not wake up one day and say I am moving on to something different in life because my fingers are tired of typing.

I am also still trying to figure out how to end this; I guess this will do.

Until next month,

More life!