THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

Hey, you still there? Right. Thank you. For a second there I thought I had lost you. I found the second part to my last post. Without further ado, I present to you:

_________________________________________________________________________________

'THE MAN IN THE MIRROR'

-a second part-

I do not consider myself patriotic by any stretch of my imagination but I am forced to think about what could be wrong about my society. Could it be the high illiteracy levels of the masses? Could it be the political repression, or the patronage? Could it be the generation that went before us that we keep learning from, keeping the cycle going? Or do I stand with Plato, holding a placard up high that says “democracy isn’t stable”?

One day, someone who knows better than I do will read this, but first of all I find that the problem is within. The problem is the man in the mirror. Yes, I am the problem. I have brought this on my society. I can’t go on blaming society, I am society. I live as though this isn’t home for me; I do not care about it. No matter how many devastating newspapers I read, how many jobless people I meet, how many posters about important discussions I see, or the dilapidated state of the infrastructure here, not even stumbling on a pothole can actually bring me to my wake. I have chosen to belong to MoveOn.org. I live passively as long as what I see doesn’t directly concern me and my everyday life. And when I’m not living passively I live in the moment with no regard for the future. And that is how I live my life every day. I am unaffected and I am silent. And if there’s one thing I know about silence, it is the fact that, in most cases, it destroys. If I keep silent about that pothole it will be there, growing, till the tarmac turns to gravel. I almost never think of the future. I do not hold on to even a vague and abstract hope of a better future for my society. Yes, this is me and I am not even acting up.

What’s worse is if I were asked what my leaders are really supposed to do or even what character they should have, I do not know. On a good day I may say they are supposed to foster development, develop policies or manage the economy or that they should be accountable, honorable or that they should have a vision. But heck, my answers are not only far too obvious that anyone can say them, I also do not know what they mean. And the reason I do not know what to foster development means is because the dilapidated buildings I see do not affect me. I do not know what to manage the economy means because that jobless man I met, to me, is just another person destructing me from my book. I do not understand what to be accountable is because I was uninterested in that discussion honored by the minister of National Development and Planning. I live passively or in the moment; with no regard for the future. I am unaffected and I am silent.

And you know, I strongly believe that any way of rule is better than what we have now. Yes, I do. I have come to accept the status quo because I have lost faith in the possibility of anything better. I may not believe in what the government stands for but deep down inside I do not know what I stand for. I know alternatives are being offered but I do not know why they would be better. And so I cannot demand any sacrifices to fight for a cause because I do not have a cause. I know what I am against, but I do not know what I am for. Sorry if that felt like I digressed a little.

I numb myself to everything that I see, I look away. If only I could engage it and add value and meaning to it all. Maybe if I paid attention I would know, down to a few intricate details, what I can do for my society and leave it better than I found it. Maybe if I read that newspaper with the desire to be informed and made aware I would have a better opinion of issues relating to current affairs. Maybe if I asked the man at the bookstore what he thought the reason for his long unemployment was I would have a place to start in thinking of a solution to the problem, see how I can help myself and others not end up in the same place, or at least look for a leader promising to fix the problem. Maybe if I attended that discussion I would know what the government has to say about the issues we are facing. I could speak out during the discussion and let the leadership recognize our needs as a society. After all, the only way I can find my voice is by using it. I can contribute to change in more than many ways if I paid attention, and I have to, it’s the only way my society will see positive change. Some things have to matter, otherwise, why go on living? Pain is the universal constant in life and the opportunities to grow from pain are constant in life. But how can my society see better days if I numb myself to everything that’s going on?

It is not enough to hope for better. Hope alone does not change anything. I need to change the way I look at myself. I am an end and not a means. I need to have a regard for the future. I need to live with beyond today in mind. If I can have a vision for what my society’s future must look like, the way I carry myself will change. I will read that newspaper and know the leadership has failed us and that the next time around we must cry for change. I will meet jobless people and look for a leader or be a leader myself who will bring change to that. I will stumble on that pothole and be disturbed by it and that will lead me to do something, anything, about it. Many aspects of my life can change if only I can have a regard for the future. If I have a vision for the future of my society the leaders will too. But deep down inside I know that that pursuit is hard and so I choose not to care. But I need to remind myself that change, positive change, never came without a struggle.

Yours and for your friends and family,

Suzyo Tilabilenji

_________________________________________________________________________________

See you around this time, right here, next month 😊